Please don't ever hide my engagement ring in food

I don't have a diary but if I did, my most detailed, intimate entries would likely be descriptions of cheeseburgers. I love cheeseburgers. Like, I occasionally ease myself to sleep by scrolling through the cheeseburger hashtag on Instagram.

But despite my undying burger love, I do not want my future engagement ring presented to me on a patty of beef and melted cheese. OK?

Marriage proposals that involve sticking the ring in food might seem like a good idea — especially when someone's as obsessed with a specific food as I am with burgers — but they're not. They're lazy and absurd.

The sheer act of sticking a diamond ring into whatever food or drink you deem special enough for your significant other is not only dangerous, it's medium-key disgusting, which is why food proposals need to stop. Read more...